nothing

rush rush rush
but really nothing there nothing 
not movement or improvement
good bad in between
nothing 
maybe exaggeration cuz there is something
but that's something doesn't do it for me
so i still feel nothing
discomfort 
so much to sort
nope nothing
no one understand not even me
where do i start 
when do i start to see
this empty heart
when do i begin me
is there some joy inside
is there anything
please come out don't hide
nothing
oh wait there's something...
sadness




This is just what i happened to be feeling at the moment its a little something i wrote. maybe there's more to come i don't know xoxo k.k.

Long time No posts

Heyyy im back!!!! sorry for going M.I.A. i have been in summer school and just finished up this past friday! Yay me! Still contemplating what I am going to do as far as furthing my education. I have decided thats since i havent had much of a summer vacation and havent had much time to rest up i am going take a semester off just to chill and enjoy myself cuz once i enter into the workforce i wont get another chance like this to take a break. Also intwo weeks i will be heading up to N.Y. and i am definitely gonna do so SHOPPING! :) I will try to take some pictures on my new iphone :))) too! So far thats all thats going on so far! until we meet again my loves xoxo kk

I hate growing up

Today I feel really depressed all of a sudden, i almost want to break down and cry. I guess before i tell you why i am so sad today i should probably tell you what my dilemma is from my last post. Basically i feel un accomplished even though im only 17 and almost done with high school i feel as if i havent accomplished any of the things i wanted to do by the time i got out of high school, like get my licence, a job, and i also wanted to sign up for  physical therapy classes in the fall for community college  but i havent done any of the above ive been working hard for the past yr to get my licence but that hasnt happend,the job situation is frustrating becuase either no one is hiring or i need to be 18  to work there or its too far to travel and since i dont have my licence I cant get there.  The most frustrating one of all is college which i dont have much support in that area or even really with my other goals.  My plan was to start school in the fall but i dont even have my financial aide together becuase of other issues and even if i do get it together i might not be able to get enough to pay for school and i dont have another way to pay for school becuase i dont have a job and i dont want to take out a loan either and i probably couldnt do on my own anyways. My family wants me to do something else instead of college i wont mention it, its not a bad thing but its not what i want to do and wont make me happy and thats why they wont support me when it comes to school. I feel everytime i take 1 step forward i end up 2 steps backwards and its so hard to deal with that. My family have said that if i dont get a job that they will support but I DONT WANT THAT and they for someone cant understand why i dont want to depend on them for the rest of my life i mean really what kind of life is that any ways. I feel like they dont understand where im coming from no matter how i explain it to them. I know im only 17 and i still have time to accomplish these things, but if i dont do it now i wonder will it ever happen or will it happen when im too old to enjoy it.i dont want to live at home and depend on my family for money when im 26 and then get married and depend on some man, H! NO! i want to have a job where i love going to work or dont mind getting up and going to work, i want to do things without having to depend or ask someone else in order to do it. I want to travel and experience new things  and only depend on myself  to make something happen becuase in the end im the only one who will make it happen. My friends have so much going on in their lives and have accomplished so much and what am i doing,nothing! Which is part of why i graduated early to feel as if i had something accomplished. but if i wasnt going to accomplish my goals i feel like i should have stayed in school instead cramming during summer school. I guess i want my independence but i want more to be dependent on myself more. i guess that comes from being disappointed and feeling like a burden when it comes to my father and mother which is another subject within itself. I just really want to cry becuase i can see where my life is headed and im not gonna be happy if it turns out that way.Ive already kinda made steps toward what my family want becuase my whole life i have always done as i am told and have always been a good girl and thats what they expect for me to do, what they want, not realizing i might not be happy with it in the end.  i dont know what to do, anymore. i feel helpless becuase every time i try so hard at something i get nowhere.I dont maybe i am stressing and overreacting for no reason. Things were simpler when i was a kid, i wish i could go back to the days when all i did was go to school come home and worry about when the rugrats came on tv. I hate growing up.xoxo k.k.

Aaradhna - Faith (with lyrics)

All I need is faith! what a beautiful song and gives me a little faith that my troubles and worries will all workout...but only a little xoxo k.k.

Hello! My first blog post

Before I begin talking about me or my blog I would just like to say that I am new at this blog thing and being a blogger so i may not post as often or i may not be any good at it in the first place. Anyways, I wanna tell a little bit about myself My name is...well you can call Kay or k.k. i dont think im comfortable with sharing my name. I am 17 and i just graduated from high school well kinda i graduated but  i still need to take 2 summer school classes to get enough credits to graduate so i will be done with school this summer (which is a yr earlier than when i am supposed to) but since my high school only has one graduation ceremony in the summer right after school is out, i went to it but i didnt get a diploma just the black folder that everyone gets which usually contains a diploma but mine's was empty. I cant wait. Only 2 1/2 more weeks til im done. Lately though ive been freaking out about what im gonna do once i graduate, which is partly why i decided to start my blog just to get my feelings out and even to hear what other people think of my situation, plus i enjoy writing. I feel like i can get my feelings out a lot better when Im writting then when im speaking. Idk the words seem to just flow better and easier when im writting instead of jumping out like they do when i talk. So i guess thats just what this blog may be about me figuring out my life and sharing it with you and maybe even along with a few other things that i enjoy like fashion, beauty, music(i love music). i  had planned to keep this short and simple but as ive learned this past year things dont always go as planned.In my next blog post i promise to share with you more about my dilemma in my life. So bye for now!xoxo k.k.